That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
