So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
