update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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