areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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