God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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