sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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