Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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