maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize