I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
