i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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