he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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