White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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