How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
