you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
