o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Brb crying the tears of my youth
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
