Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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