I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
