I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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