I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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