brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You pole danced in your parka.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
