We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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