I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
