I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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