Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
