I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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