we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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