this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
