just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
