Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
How does one acquire holy water?
Floor bacon is actually really good
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
