Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
