coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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