yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize