she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
