Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
