Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
