I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
