We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
