lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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