EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
