its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
