She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
