ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
