In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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