I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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