So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You need a sexual gate keeper
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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