even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
