You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
