There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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