i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
