We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
