He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize