i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
