He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
