i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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