nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
the liver wants what the liver wants
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
