so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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