he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
At least life still wants to fuck me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
