That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
