he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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