Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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