Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize