If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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