but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize