Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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