Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Pants are for mortals
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
