You smell like a Billy Joel song
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
