Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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