Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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