I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
