You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i think i have two assholes
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
