you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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