you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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