Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
