so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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