He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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