I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
