We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
