Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
