I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
