I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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