and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
