Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
