Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
