Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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