So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
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