There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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