I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
