This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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