Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
