Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
