Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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